The American Psychological Association defines friendship as:
A voluntary relationship between two or more people that is relatively long-lasting and in which those involved tend to be concerned with meeting the others’ needs and interests as well as satisfying their own desires. Friendships frequently develop through shared experiences in which the people involved learn that their association with one another is mutually gratifying.
One of the key dimensions of this definition is its emphasis on mutuality, which means true friendships are not one-sided. They also tend to be long-lasting. Many of us have friendships that go back to childhood.
We may only have a few deep friendships in life, but these and other friendships bring joy and sustenance to our lives. The chorus of the song “That’s What Friends Are For” captures this truth for us:
Keep smilin', keep shinin'
Knowing you can always
count on me for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for
—Burt Bacharach/Carol Bayer Sager
That truth is enshrined in the second creation story in Genesis 2. After God created Adam, God discovered that it is not good for humans to dwell alone. Not even our relationship with God is sufficient, so God created a companion fit for the man.
Our reading this morning tells the story of a very unusual friendship that continually gets tested and yet it thrives. Jonathan is the son of the king and heir to the throne, while David is a national hero and the secretly anointed replacement for Jonathan’s father, King Saul. Therefore these two men should be bitter rivals, and yet they love each other as brothers.
Jonathan seems to know that David’s star is rising and that he likely will supplant him after his father’s death, but he doesn’t seem to care. Some might say that Jonathan lacked ambition, but perhaps he shows us the better path of friendship. He reveals himself to be a person who cares more about the welfare of his friend than for his own advancement in life. Therefore, he embodies Jesus’ definition of a friend: “No one has greater love than to give up one’s life for one’s friends” (Jn. 15:13 CEB).
The story of Jonathan and David’s friendship begins shortly after David’s famous encounter with Goliath. Although David was young and inexperienced, he volunteered to face the Philistine champion. After he brought down the great warrior with nothing more than a sling and a stone, he returned home a national hero. You can see shades of this story in the first Star Wars movie, where Luke Skywalker, fresh off the farm, delivers the fatal blow that destroys the Death Star and saves the rebellion.
As our hero arrives at court, bringing Goliath’s head as a gift to the king, we’re told that:
Jonathan was deeply impressed with David—an immediate bond was forged between them. He became totally committed to David. From that point on he would be David's number-one advocate and friend. (18.1 MSG).
After they met for the first time in the palace, Jonathan and David make a covenant with each other. From then on nothing would come between them. That included Jonathan’s increasingly jealous father, who sought to kill his rival and on one occasion, sensing that Jonathan was in cahoots with David, Saul threw his spear at his son and heir. This is a friendship that was constantly being tested, and yet it endured to the end. As the song declares: “For good times and bad times I'll be on your side forever more.”
As I think about my own friendships, I have to wonder, am I this committed to the welfare of anyone else? We probably can answer yes if the other person is our spouse or maybe our children or grandchildren. But what about someone outside this immediate circle? If the command is to love our neighbors as we love ourselves, how far are we willing to go to live out this calling?
There are many stories, both real and fictional that speak of sacrificial friendships. There are many stories about Medal of Honor recipients who risked their lives on behalf of their comrades. Since I am a Star Trek fan, there is a famous scene in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan that comes to mind. In that scene, Spock attempts to fix the warp drive to save the Enterprise at the cost of his own life. He entered the warp core chamber hoping to realign the core and allow the Enterprise to escape certain destruction. But in doing so he exposed himself to deadly radiation. When Kirk asked him why he did this, the always logical Spock reminded Captain Kirk that “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.” Then, as he lay dying, he told the Captain: “I have been and always shall be your friend.” While Spock is resurrected in the next movie, his final words of friendship are worth pondering. What does it mean to say: “I have been and always shall be your friend?”
As we ponder this question, how do our friendships reflect our faith in God? Eugene Peterson wrote:
Friendship is a much underestimated aspect of spirituality. It’s every bit as significant as prayer and fasting. Like the sacramental use of water and bread and wine, friendship takes what is common in human experience and turns it into something holy. [Eugene Peterson, Leap Over a Wall, 53.]
There is something holy about this covenant friendship between Jonathan and David. Like Spock, Jonathan is willing to offer his life and his future for the good of another. I’m not so sure that David was quite as committed, which creates a wrinkle in the story that I can’t seem to resolve.
Nevertheless, a sacred form of friendship like the one that Jonathan and David forged is deeply rooted in trust. As we all know, perhaps instinctively, trust is difficult to earn and easy to lose. This makes Jonathan’s immediate bond with David all the more surprising. Nevertheless, while this friendship is constantly being tested, it never seems to waver.
Paul speaks of the depth of his own commitment to the lives of the people who inhabited the Corinthian Church. Despite their tendency to resist his leadership, he told them that “there are no limits to the affection we feel for you” (2 Cor. 6:12).
As I mentioned above, David seems to have gained more from this friendship than Jonathan did. It is Jonathan who essentially lays down his life for his friend. At one point Jonathan takes off his robe and gives it to David, along with his armor, belt, and sword. In doing this Jonathan is essentially abdicating the throne in favor of his friend. Even though this relationship seems somewhat unequal, there is a bond here that can’t be broken. There are no limits to the affection that each felt for the other, not even when this affection was tested by other relationships.
It’s likely that if we’re willing to invest ourselves in the lives of others, as these two men invested themselves in each other, our relationships will be tested. It may be another relationship that demands our loyalty or it may be there is a growing difference in how we view life in this world. We may even find ourselves, like Jonathan did, having to choose between our friends and our family. The message here is that despite the challenges, true friendships will endure.
This morning, I invite you to take a look at your friendships. What is the nature of these friendships? Would you say that any of them are sacred?
As we ponder this question about the nature of our friendships, I want to add in this word from Jesus found in the Gospel of John. On the night of his betrayal, as he gathered with his followers for a final meal, to told them: “I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing, but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father” (Jn. 15:15). It is out of friendship that Jesus goes to the cross, laying down his life for his friends. That includes us! As Jürgen Moltmann writes:
Through the friendship of Jesus the disciples become the free friends of God. In his fellowship they no longer experience God as Lord, and not merely as Father either; they experience him as a friend, in his innermost being. It is true that there is no equality in the divine friendship revealed through Jesus’ friendship. But it is a relationship of mutual friendship nonetheless. [The Church in the Power of the Spirit, p. 118].
To be the church of Jesus Christ is to be counted among God’s friends. It is a friendship circle that is open so that even if we don’t always agree on matters of theology or politics, music or favorite sports teams, we are still part of God’s circle of friends. So, let us take heart in Jonathan’s last words to his friend:
Go in peace! The two of us have vowed friendship in God’s name, saying, “God will be the bond between me and you, and between my children and your children forever!” (1 Sam. 20:42, MSG)
Preached by:
Dr. Robert D. Cornwall
Acting Supply Pastor
First Presbyterian Church (PCUSA)
Troy, Michigan
June 23, 2024
Pentecost 5B
Image Attribution: Cima da Conegliano, Giovanni Battista, ca. 1459-1517 or 18. David and Jonathan, from Art in the Christian Tradition, a project of the Vanderbilt Divinity Library, Nashville, TN. https://diglib.library.vanderbilt.edu/act-imagelink.pl?RC=54920 [retrieved June 22, 2024]. Original source: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Cima_da_Conegliano_-_David_and_Jonathan_-_WGA04912.jpg.
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